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The Dreaded Christmas Card

 | 1 comment

 Every year, on the day after Thanksgiving and without fail, we receive our first Christmas card in the mail from Mike’s cousin (no idea how they manage to ensure it ALWAYS comes that Friday). Just as predictably, it comes not only with tidings of Christmas joy but an overwhelming feeling of dread that washes over me like a slap in the face. Not because it's officially the Christmas season, of course - I love Christmas and always have. Christmas and I are fuckin’ buds!


But the anxiety hits hard and fast anyway, because now I know it's time to start our OWN family’s Christmas card. The one I’ve been avoiding for months, knowing this day would come. If you’re asking yourself right now, well- why is that exactly?...very good question. See, every year I put a lot of pressure on myself to send a card that is different from the year before. Not just different, but creative, funnier, and way fucking better (definitely have not succeeded everytime, but try, try, try again I will).


It started out as my own little obsessive project each year. But slowly over the years, I’ve sucked Mike into it and made it his, project, as well. He's really super OK with words. So I usually take a spin and then he goes back in and makes it way better, in a kinda-sorta OK way that I definitely could’ve totally done myself, maybe. Turns out we make a pretty great team in more ways than one (ugh, I know - gross...I feel you).The humor is usually honest when it comes to the kids and what shits they can be; our youngest Leo has really taken a beating on cards the last few years. Hopefully he grows up to be as dry and sarcastic as us, or his therapy bills may be hefty (my therapy bills are already pretty hefty- thanks Leo!).


So why am I talking about Christmas cards on the first day of October?!? Well, it’s not because you’re gonna get one. But the damn dreaded Christmas cards are really how the idea for these greeting cards came about. They sorta paved the way, one might say. They gave our friends and family an idea of our humor, who we are, what kind of terrible parents we are, and mostly that we curse a lot and call our kids shittnuggets if that’s what they’re being. It gave us a voice, and we like that.


Our ‘voice’ is certainly not for everyone. You may have quite the look on your face right now, and we’re okay with that. The beauty of The B Side is that it’s not meant for the masses. It's meant for all the people that can’t find their own voice in ‘ye olde mass-marketed ‘square’ card scene.


So whether or not you find OUR voice to be aligned with YOUR voice - go find it, here or someplace else, use it, let the people hear it, even if that fills you with dread. Can’t be worse than a Christmas card.



Comments (1)

  • Bettyann on October 03, 2020

    I just want to say that your Christmas cards are the HIGHLIGHT of the Christmas season. Major disappointment if you don’t send one.

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